My final work for this semester, entitled Abandoned, focuses on mourning the lives I didn't live. The Ofrenda represents the life I would have lived if my Hispanic father had stuck around and passed down his language and heritage. This is the closest thing I have to a family photo with him.

The ofrenda is used in Mexican culture to honor loved ones who have died. The typical Ofrenda is placed in a house whereas this one seems to exist in a void. Traditionally, the candles and incense are lit. The ones pictured have never been touched. There are totems to represent all four elements, earth, fire, water and air.

There are a few different teachings when it comes to earth. I’ve read in some places that salt holds that place, but in other readings I have seen salt being representative of the continuance of life. Pan de Muerto has also been said to represent earth, but also as a symbol of the departed. For the purpose of this portrait, I have chosen salt for my earth.

The papel picado, intended to symbolize air in its movement has been stapled down. And in the vacuum of a void, would have no wind for movement.

The dish meant to hold water lay barren along with the vases, where the water has evaporated from there as well. The three tiers of the structure are intended to represent the ascension into heaven.

The marigolds, which attract spirits to the ofrenda are dead and dried out. And for whichever individual you are mourning, you would place down items that they loved, or items that belonged to them. Since it is only me and the lives that could have been; if not abandoned, the other items seen are all personal in nature.

The pregnancy test is for the life I chose not to live as a mother. The wedding ring standing for my divorce. The empty beer bottles were once held by my ex-fiancé, who I chose not to marry. The picture of me as a child representing the life I would have if my natural mother hadn't terminated her parental rights when I was 15. The necklace (Hanging on the bottom middle candle) for if I decided to stay in contact with my adoptive family. The Epaulette (resting on the candle to the far right) is the life that was taken from me when I was medically discharged from the Air Force.

There is an infinite possibility of people I could have been. I believe who we are is not only defined by the things we've done, but also the things we have not. The lives I didn’t get to live tell you a lot about who I am.